The Green Grass

Today was my first day of community college. 

My mom made me drive all the way there, which resulted in several minor collisions, but that's okay, the worst part is the yelling. I still feel sad that I'm missing out on the opportunity to be somewhere else right now, but that's okay too. Slowly, but surely you'll see that I'm gonna get there soon.

Plastic Roses

Hey readers (if there are any),

I received my acceptance into the Honors Program from [insert community college] and I have to say that I'm amazed at the amount of opportunities the program offers! 

- field trips

- conventions

- speakers

- UC library passes

- guaranteed admission at some universities  

It's astonishing and I'm so thankful God has given me!

However I remembered that I actually couldn't get into any of the honors classes! I can turn my regular courses into honors by filling out a contract, but I don't understand how to fill it out. 

 I feels like I'm smelling plastic roses; they're pretty and look so real, but they're still not roses. Translating to, there is still so much left to do before I really am a part of the Honors Program. I pray things will go smoothly 

Clay Flowers

This morning my grandmother came over and like the most absurdly wonderful grandmother in the world, brought us to my new community college so she could look around. The first thing she said was,

 "I never saw such a beautiful campus, Erin, I think it'd be wonderful to study here." I could have kissed her. "You know, I went to community college too and so did your father. We both graduated there [. . .] don't worry you'll find classes" 

About that time, I lost one of my clay flowers I glued to my nail that morning 1 of 2.

The next one I lost at my friend's party. 

But finally at 12:01 am exactly I logged onto [insert community college website] and was finally able to register for classes!!!!!

I have classes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REAL-- FOR REAL CLASSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so ecstatic! Nothing can err me now except for the fact I have pilates tomorrow, and after a whole summer of no ballet classes, I'm going to be so sore!

Please, Let It be the White Rose

On my first and last prom, I gave my date a white rose. 

It was a perfect flower; not yet bloomed, yet so delicate, so beautiful . . .

The Florist warned me, if I should touch it, it would die during the dance, so I kept it safe. I cradled the box in my lap all the drive home, imagining his face would light up when he saw it. 

Reflecting on it now, I was free from worry, or doubt. I just knew that everything would turn out the way I had hoped, because I imagined that when I was with the one I so loved, even the storms would be clouds in the sky. 

I looked up "White Rose" the next day. "You are heavenly", "Humility", "Youth", "Innocence" [Internet Florist], how amazing that the flower should reflect everything I was feeling. 

If everyone's feelings were displayed by flowers, we would have such a colorful world. Even the bad times would be filled with joy and delight. This is the way a good friend told me that we should see God. 

We should treasure our feelings that we have for Him, cherishing the love it brings our hearts when we think on him. Full of innocence, and humility . . . I want to be that White Rose because everyday is a struggle to stay cheerful. But knowing God is there, I should constantly remind myself of that perfect white rose that was waiting to fully bloom, to become even more precious, to bring more joy. Just like how God will one day use us to spread love and His Holy Name. 

Right now, I'm waiting to see if registrations from [insert community college] will open up, and I'll be able to find classes for this semester so I can begin my life. I'm scared. I'm praying that everything will turn out okay, but somewhere inside of me is telling me, be strong, have faith. God has his plan for you. 

So in my heart I'm also praying. Please, my faith, my feelings, let it be the White Rose; strong, sure, in its pure intentions, quiet, subtle, and Innocent. 

I'm not a Biblical scholar this blog is about me learning to find my way back onto the path. God is my guide, and everyday I feel I'm getting closer to him. Hoping never to stray again.

Inked Blooms

Tired Today . . . 

I was able to send off the fax to [insert community college 2] , hopefully I'll be able to register. But listen!

Their requirement is orientation at the school! I'm not even sure how to get there its a 9 hour drive . . . my goodness. 

and registration for [insert current community college] ends today *sigh*. I still haven't registered for any classes. What do I do now?

Finished some illustrations my friend asked for, for her children's book. I think it looks pretty nice, but I'm not sure if anyone will like it. What do you think? 

 

The Lonely Anemone

What happens to the people we leave behind?  

Honestly I'm having a dilemma trying to imagine I'll finally get out of community college. I still can't even  get into any courses. 

Mount SAC's website is down, I can't even try to get in anywhere. I gave Cabrillo college the wrong email by the way, so I can't get a confirmation number in any case.  

Why Do I Have Such Bad Luck? Where is my future going to take me? Honestly, I'm freak'n scared! But last night I was reminded that even if everything else fails and all hope is lost, God is with us. He is inside of us. Even when we think He isn't, He is there. Knowing that he is a part of my soul has encouraged me. No one is an anemone, alone and forsaken, there's always hope. 

I'm not sure if anyone bothers reading this, but if you are, don't fret over your problems God has given s his promise. Even when time get tough, have faith. 

Hopeful Buttercup

Buttercups mean Childishness. Children are never really sad because they have the innocent hope for something better. 

The Lady from the Honors office from my community college called me. I must say that she is the most agreeable person I've spoken to over the summer. 

She sympathized with me, trying to advise me the best she could: 

1. The community college clean sweeps between 12-17 (but registration ends the 12th mind you and I still have no classes)

2. She says try wait-listing and searching for courses 6am on the 17th

3. Ask professors to be a part of the class on the first day of school.

4. Then she called back and told me to try the 13th too. 

I am SOOO confused, but I see her information as a blessing. Though I still feel really nervous. What can I do? What will happen to me if I can't find any courses?

Gladiolus means FIght!

I woke up this morning thinking 2 things:

1. My Life is an absurd mess that I don't know how to handle and . . .

2. MY LIFE IS AN ABSURD MESS!

I keep still to the promise that God has given me, that if I work hard and have faith in Him, I will prosper."The heavy weights that tie me down, will become wings of hope." (Springs in the Desert Devotional Reading) The problem is that I can't even get past the first part without messing up!

All the courses in my local community college are full to the nth extent, meaning that I can't seem to register for one single course. The one course that IS open needs to go through the whole prerequisite process, which requires going to the community college. For someone who can't drive yet, THIS IS A PROBLEM! 

To make matters worse after desperately trying to sign up for another community college I realized after submitting the application . . . I put in the WRONG email address!! I had one of those weird email addresses that Apple gives you and then makes you pay for later and when my first FREE term expired I was thinking "Psh! Like I'm gonna pay that kind of money for an email." And well, now I have a problem. 

Do I ask my mom to pay for it, Go through the whole stupid process of calling up the school, dealing with idiots? Or do I sign up for DeVry who seems to be panting behind me like some kind pedophile on my doorstep? 

Gladiolus's are like lily plants, who are named for gladiator swords. Unfortunately I can't seem to muster their type of tenacity before breaking down into a nervous wreck. 

What should I do?

The Begonia

I honestly don't know why I am writing a blog . . . seems a little silly. . . Okay let me rephrase that. "WHY ON EARTH HAVE I STARTED A BLOG?!" 

Maybe its because I saw Julie/Julia this morning, or because since I already have a diary and I thought "well if I want people to hear my thoughts in a couple years why not now?" 

It isn't that I'm narcissistic its just that . . . well, why not start a blog? 

This blog is about grasping the reality that in one month, my friends will be off towards Brown, Stanford, Caltech, Berkeley, UCLA, etc. and I'll be stuck here, [insert boring city]. For another 2-3 years because of my horrible work ethic this year . 

God had blessed me with the opportunity to enter [insert prestigious school], but I messed up. It was a case of pride and foolishness, one that I am sure even the perky Begonia would have been ashamed of. 

"'Beware I am Fanciful!'"(The meaning of Begonias [Internet Florist]) has been ringing in my ears for the last 3 months. I can only say that after this experience God has let me go through, I am more humbled. 

Now I am picking up the pieces of my life, trying to make up for chronic carelessness, lost time, and arrogance in order to transfer from community college in two years.

This is a blog about Finding a Future.